Setting boundaries as an act of love
“I no longer go along with everything; I set boundaries as an act of love.” Over two years of analysis, Marcela D. has undergone an impressive journey, which has led to significant changes affecting both her inner and outer life. A journey that has helped me “to shed some burdens that used to weigh a ton”.
Raising her young son is a very important part of her life. With a strong desire-of-the-mother, she manages to work in the mornings and spend time with her son in the afternoons, “if possible outdoors, where we see animals, so that he grows up appreciating the beauty of nature”. Likewise, “setting boundaries for him has become more important. “Although it’s difficult at times, I know it’s important to do this now; it will make everything easier later on, when he’s older. Certainly, my son understanding and respecting boundaries will serve him well in the future.”
Seeing and “recognising repetitive patterns within the family as well as internal conflicts” helped her understand, for example, where the feeling of guilt she had carried for many years came from. “I learnt that there are things that aren’t my responsibility”, “just as there are things I can’t change, that are beyond my control, and that weren’t my responsibility either.” Furthermore, psychoanalysis has led her “to have a different relationship with the things from my past that I cannot change.”
Consequently, it also led her to set boundaries with those close to her, and “to remove people from my life who are not walking the same path as me”. “Understanding aspects that I didn’t see clearly before brings me great relief.” She tells us that, “psychoanalysis has led me to move beyond asking myself: why did this happen to me? What is it within me that makes this have this meaning and causes me to react in this way?”. Now she knows her subjective answers to these questions.
Marcela found “the freedom to express myself”. “Today I can say what frustrates me; I can put into words what causes me anxiety. I can express my feelings and say: ‘Come on, let’s talk’.” Marcela tells me that she “feels empowered, with clarity about the different aspects of my life”. In my external life, just as in my inner life, “I can make changes and shed burdens that aren’t mine.”
Focused on the signifiers of her life, with a strong desire-of-the-mother, and making decisions without trying to please others, she continues to set boundaries to protect herself as a woman and as a mother—and, in doing so, protects her family too.
